Masters 2011: Somebody Give Rory a Hug

I’m not alone in this, right? Don’t you just want to give this kid a hug? He just dominated the first three days of play, only to close out the Masters by hitting an 80 on Sunday. That meant he went from winning $1.44 million to $128,000… that’s a $1.31 million dollar kick in the nuts. Reminded me of the time I was in 4th grade at a track meet. Mt Sac Relays. I’d never run the 400 before, I was a sprinter, 100 and 200 only. Coach threw me in for this race because some other kid was hurt. Gun fires and I take off like a damn gazelle. At the turn, I’m in first by about 20 feet. Down the back straight away, I’m just pulling away from fools. Race in the bag. Yeah, right around yard 300 I’m guessing, my legs went to jello and just stopped working, I looked over my shoulder and still had a big lead. Sprinting as fast as I could, the home stretch looked as if I was standing still and these kids were Carl friggin’ Lewis. Who knew that 4th graders knew how to pace themselves? I finished dead last. I feel ya, Rory… I feel ya.Big props to Charl Schwartzel though…the South African stallion for winning the 2011 Masters. He ousted a ton of contenders down the stretch, including Adam Scott, Jason Day, Geoff Ogilvy, Luke Donald and… that one guy, oh yeah, Tigah Tigah Tigah Tiger Woods, ya’ll. Yeah, I know Tiger didn’t pull out the win, but once you knew that Rory McIlroy was out of it, raise your hand if you weren’t pulling for Tiger. C’mon… raaaaise it. I tried to lie to myself and say I wasn’t pulling for him… but I was. Golf is just better when Tiger Woods is winning. I think it’s safe to say we did catch a glimpse of the new Tiger… ready to start draining putts and taking names. Let’s go ahead and put him on our list of golfers to watch for the remainder of 2011. Here he was after draining an eagle on 8… yep, that’s the Tiger I remember.If I’m on my golf game, I’m hitting under 100…barely. I’ve never hit in the 80’s. Yet, a couple times a year, I keep coming back. Why? What makes golf great is feeling like you can hang with the pro’s. I remember watching Tiger play the Buick at Torrey Pines when I was in college. The next week I went out there and birdied a hole that he had hit par on. Immediately puffed up my chest and had that ‘how you like me now?‘ look on my face. I also remember holing out with a 7 iron from 190 yards in front of my father in law…for an eagle… said he’d never seen anything like it. When I pick up the links, those are the moments I remember… not the dozen triple bogeys I average every 18 holes. That is what makes these guys professionals. Consistency. Because let’s be honest…If I shot an 80 on Sunday and pulled in over $100 grand in a day, like Rory did…am I sulking about an epic collapse? Hell no. I’m riding around my putter like a horse… screaming for joy, and buying every person within a city block a shot of tequila. All the while, Lee Trevino staring at me in disgust… just beside himself, at a loss for words.-bp

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9 Responses to Masters 2011: Somebody Give Rory a Hug

  1. Macaroni says:

    BP, great article on golf. I like the way you were able to highlight all of your glory moments in sports throughout your whole career. Also, I wanted to point out that you made a classic literary mistake, you seemed to have called a man named Charl a “Stallion.” Which every cunning linguist knows is an impossible combination of words.

    • LobShots says:

      I pointed out my dozen triple bogies every 18 holes and my last place finish in 4th grade track and I’m still getting thrown under the Glory Moments bus? If I knew that was gonna happen, in addition to my birdie and eagle, I would’ve pointed out how I had a blocked shot on a 7 footer from Gonzaga’s basketball team. Face.

  2. Macaroni says:

    I don’t think blocked shots count at Dave and Busters.

  3. Geez, I thought Rory was still out on the course…it was horrific and surely many folks were thinking about their most public face-plant while his drama played out.

  4. RG says:

    Let’s be real, having a guy named Charl win the Masters was one of the worst possible outcomes…

    My hand was raised. I was rooting for Tiger. But for the first time, maybe ever, he ran out of holes 😉

    After that my pref would be Adam Scott, basically because I wan to be him. Stud for sure. I would have even been happy with a Geoff, not Jeff, Geoff Ogilvy…but no, instead we got a guy who forgot the ‘es’ wins and the golf world falls back asleep.

    Great tourny, terrible ending.

    • LobShots says:

      “But for the first time, maybe ever, he ran out of holes” haha. well played, RG.
      Poor Charl – all the racist Americans hating on him because here in the USA, we add that pesky “es” to the end of our dumb names.

  5. Scott says:

    I felt like I got dumped when Rory tripled 10.

    p.s. – shooting* 80 on Sunday

  6. Rydazzle says:

    I think I tore a hammy jumping for joy when Rory’s snapper almost killed a Georgia homeowner. The only thing better was when he stiffed it by the scoreboard.

    When that guy first won on the PGA tour I was a total fan. After his Ryder Cup comments homeboy needed a little humble pie. You just dont pop off like that at the greatest golfer to ever walk a fairway. Show some respect. And get a haircut Gallagher. Were you smashing a watermelon on 10 tee?

    If Rory and Tiger stepped onto the PGA at the same time, you take half of Tiger’s clubs out of his bag and I guarantee he still triples Rory’s total wins in tour.

    I’ll come back around to the kid once he understands he just can’t poke Tiger like that. And I would fancy US’s chances against you too, Snapper McGee.


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