The Dumbest Alarm Clock in History

You wanna shred Benjamins to make sure you wake up on time? Be my guest. You’re an idiot. Last time I checked, destroying US currency was a federal crime, right?

Crime or not… if you’re shredding $100 bills to prevent you from sleeping in, I got news for you. You need to 1) See a doctor, 2) Donate more money to charity, 3) Give me your address so I can come to your house and kick your ass.

I know hitting the snooze button one too many times has led to classes missed, marital spats, jobs lost, etc. But good grief, crank up the volume and plug it in across the room. Tell you what does work with money though… if you’re driving late at night and trying to stay awake, grab a $5 dollar bill, hold it tightly between your index finger and your thumb, roll down the window, and stick your arm out. You can increase bill size based on your own stupidity and tiredness, I use $5 because a $1 bill just won’t cut it. But, let’s be honest, if you’re dumb enough to hold more than a $5 bill at the window to be snapped up in the wind at any second if you lose concentration… it’s time to pull over to the side of the road and take a nap. Oh, one last thought on that alarm clock… if you decide to buy one, don’t ever come back to this blog. Good talk, Russ.

-bp

[via wetheurban]

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